I need help....but I am struggling to overcome the fear of others’ opinions

In a typical household, both parents share a child yet face distinct primary challenges. Brief and most relatable Western common struggles are:

Mothers struggle with:

• Overwhelm

• Guilt

• Identity and role shift

Fathers struggle with:

• Isolation

• Inadequacy

• Pressure

Parents often suspect they are experiencing these aspects and emotions but fear reaching out for help. For instance, overwhelm is a high-energy emotion that can be layered with other emotions. Although many parents are familiar with tiredness, which grows into exhaustion and fatigue, they don’t get to connect how this gets to overwhelm. As responsibilities and demands increase, it becomes more difficult to maintain a balance, and previously manageable tasks become overwhelming.

One reason parents shy away from seeking help is the concern for their reputation. This can be influenced by their identity formed through others’ perceptions or their formative years. For example, someone nurtured through praise for aggression is less likely to admit and accept emotions that portray sensitivity, such as forlornness. A person who has built an identity through being a people-pleaser, believing it is the only way to be loved, would struggle to admit and accept that as a parent they are tired, fatigued, exhausted, spent or drained.

In a household where both parents have been experiencing inadequate sleep for an extended period, they are prone to the following emotional responses:

• Increased irritability, which makes it difficult to maintain peace and calmness.

• Heightened stress levels, which make it more challenging to manage daily challenges and responsibilities.

• Emotional instability, characterised by increased anxiety and sadness and a tendency for outbursts.

• Reduced coping skills, resulting in an inability to manage conflicts effectively and more frequent disagreements or misunderstandings.

• Relationship strain arises from the combination of irritability, stress and emotional instability which can lead to conflicts or a sense of disconnect.

Some of these experiences can raise safeguarding concerns, particularly when parents are unable to meet their children’s basic needs, ensure their punctual school attendance and maintain a safe environment (where relationship conflicts do not escalate into abuse).

If you are experiencing this situation, it is important to recognise that struggles can feel isolating but are a universal aspect of parenting. While the fear of social judgement is a real concern, seeking help for your and your children’s emotional wellbeing is crucial. I offer a FREE 30-MINUTE, no-obligation call / e-mail which can be the beginning of an easier parenting journey. It can also be the realisation that you require a different service, of which I can assist in signposting.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing is best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself— means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight— and never stop fighting.” E.E. Cummings

Channelling the wise words of E.E. Cummings, to be the best and healthiest parent possible, you must be true to yourself. If you have identified an existing problem, it is your responsibility to take the first step towards practising authenticity with your child. A child who grows up witnessing their parents work through a struggle, even with the worry of social judgement, learns firsthand the value of practising authenticity in an inauthentic world.